My Aim

"I aim here only at revealing myself, who will perhaps be different tomorrow, if I learn something new, which changes me." -- Montaigue

I have put this off for far too long. Today I begin a 30 day Challenge mostly focusing on becoming healthy yet I know it will change me more than physically. I also had challenged myself to learn from my story, to inspire with my story and to grow from within the tale that is mine to be told. For months I have tossed the idea of blogging my journey of healing and growth and yet one thing held me back. Fear! Today I confront the very thing that I have trusted more than anything in my life and that is Fear! What do I fear? The list may be longer than the things that do not scare me and yet my mask will tell you that I am fearless. Masks are there to deceive. This mask, my mask, has been worn for many years. So many years I am struggling to understand how to live without it. I fear I am not living, I fear loss, trusting to much, unkind words, death of those I cling to for validation. I am scared to death of failure, of having hope that may be crushed, again! I fear success in some ways. I fear being fat, yet I sabotage the very thinness that I pray for. I fear the dark and all that can and does linger just outside of where my eyes can view. I fear being wrong about some things and yet other situations in my life I fear that I am right. I fear not being loved and I fear too much attention for being great. I fear not understanding and I fear being lonely for forever.I love to listen to stories of others. To try to wrap my mind around the shear endurance of the human spirit. I revel in their journey and their strength. I crave for their tenacity and ability to be so humble. I yearn to be as inspiring to someone as so many great storytellers are for me. I have slowly taken a bit of my mask away for moments to reveal my story to some. "That is such an incredible story. You should write a book." Not sure mine is any different in pain or sorrow or triumph but it is mine. I am inpired, empowered, liberated to some degree through someone else's story. May I have the same affect on someone else? I was once told that when you are young, your job is to make sure you live a life that makes a good story. Sooo, I lived life, I played BIG, and I made the beginning of my story spectacular and then the fears began to creep in and I find myself afraid to even share the beginning of my story. But today the mask will be removed and the story will be told and lived as I visit this "Healing Box" and work on transforming my fears through my faith. So here is to transformation, healing, inpiration and liberation to me and maybe just a bit can rub off on you.